Looking into the Mirror

What is my role in this world? As i lay on my back thinking about my life and all the issues in my current mindset, i come to ask myself, whats my purpose, my role in this play called life. What is the path of discovery for myself, my fellow humans. The maze that has lead me to this point in life had until recently led me to what i believed to be right. All my life i foolishly claimed to be a product of my circumstances. I now dismiss that as foolish. My circumstances are a product of my actions. I have become aware of this the past year as I took a period of reflection of my life. More on that in a bit.
Life has embraced me with the most severe of ailments. Life is full of temptation, vices in which people become overly attached to. Of course many of these common ailments include chemical dependency, alcohol addiction, violence, power, greed, adultery and crime among many other paths of self destruction. My temptation, my vice shows its form in the most subtle, yet equally destructive form called emotional attachment. My inability to control my level of commitment has caused many errors in my life. I seem to become severely attached very easily to certain consequences. I say that because no good has yet come of it. I see it as a debilitation poisoning me from the inside out. I do not claim responsibility for this, my weakness, my lack of self control has allowed this monster to creep into the shadows of my heart. It seems this demon has a bind on my mind and heart, contaminating it with ideas and wild delusions.
My problem with emotional attachment is as such. I take what i have, turn it against me and destroy it. Throughout my life i have caused rifts and tears in the very fabric of my being with my selfish need to attach myself to people. I have at various points taken what i earned in friendship and love, and left it in a trail of hate and despair, leading back to me. I will give one example, unmatched in its simplicity, yet it was the apex of my ruining of something dear to me. I had two very dear friends, loving them as i love my own family. One in particular, we will call V. I developed a sincere friendship with V, caring for this person far above anyone else. I eventually developed these intense feelings for V, assuming that with time and patience i would find control and close myself to my hearts ache. Sadly that did not happen, due to my inability to control myself, control the situation, everything i had disappeared, friendships of many summers of innocence crashed around me in spectacular fashion. Instead of mutual parting and best wishes. She withdrew from my life with a trail of distrust and cowardice leading back to me. It has taken me a full year of contemplation and self discovery to realize that i wronged this person, along with many others in my life. This was the most recent of events. In the time since i have been studying myself in an objective manner, realizing that to salvage the threads of humanity i have left, i need to right the wrongs in my past.
I am not a religious man, i am very much an atheist. I cannot claim to believe i am doing this to salvage my soul. I am doing it in an effort to save my hope in myself for the future. Thoughts of forgiveness and love run through my mind in a race to drive the demon from my enclosed heart. Providing relief to the wounds that mark my emotional state of mind. In this i do hope that some people will better understand me, or at least gain some insight to my heart of hearts. Trials and tribulations have made my perceptions what they currently are, in all hopes on a way to recovery from my dependency on my attachment to my emotions.

p.s.
A most interesting thing happened to
me as i wrote this piece, in the middle
of my original draft, my computer
turned off on me, if i were a god fearing
person i would take it as a sign to not
do what i intend on doing with this
note.